When Gratitude Gets Wet

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I know when you’re in a tidal wave of love, when things are flowing sweet, when Eros is all around, being grateful is like breathing. But what about after you’ve made a major mistake?

 Is it possible to get to gratitude when it feels like your ship is sailing in the wrong direction, when happiness fades and fine platitudes are the last things you want to hear? We’ve all had times where all we want to do is dig into a pit of sorrow, where, even if we know wallowing wont work, we do it anyway. This is when getting to gratitude really counts. But how can we feel grateful when everything seems closed, and hopeless and dark?

Here’s four big reasons why gratitude beats regret and resentment, every time.

Gratitude Feels Better

Of course we’d rather be tingling with gratitude every minute of the day, but the truth is, sometimes we choose to mope with pain, stew in our resentment or just lounge around trying not to think too much. Usually while we’re licking or barking about our wounds what we really need is attention; we want somebody to know we’re hurting. The trouble is, while it keeps us busy, it also keeps us in the pit longer. Gratitude is a way out.

Gratitude Takes Less Effort

All we have to do is consider for a second that if we’re born into a physical body (even if we’re not happy with it at the moment), there’s always somebody who gave us this chance. The instant you can find anything to be grateful for, a sliver of light sneaks inside. The good part is, you don’t have to be grateful for anything big and you can even stay moody about certain things. That’s because gratitude is a bit like laughter, just letting a little in makes it harder to stay mad, sad or lonely for long.

Gratitude Heals Transgressions

It’s sincere gratitude, the kind that’s hard to get to that heals past transgressions. Let me explain: The biggest mistakes I’ve made have brought me into floods of confusion where feeling gratitude was out of the question. It was always because I made the wrong decision at the wrong time. I wanted what I wanted and I overlooked, or more truthfully, didn’t think for a second about how my actions might cause suffering to another. Usually I went through a phase convinced the problem was entirely ‘theirs’ and not mine. I had to dig deep, scan my actions and ask myself, ‘what was my piece in this trouble?.’ With no excuses. That’s it.

Gratitude Is Real

Even in the worst cases, when maybe the only thing you can be grateful for is the fact that you are around to tell the story, expressing gratitude brings you back to what’s real. Though we might not always get to gratitude right away, that awful thing we’ve said or done just may be just the jolt we need to wake us up.

The most amazing people I know actually practice sincere repentance daily.

My greatest teachers have helped me reflect on how many times I’ve fallen asleep and forgotten the feelings of others because I’ve been too focused on what I see. They’ve also helped me understand there are things beyond what I can see in every situation.

So as we move into this holiday season, I hope you’ll give your self a big break, have plenty of compassion, lots of laughing and perhaps acknowledge someone in your life who is doing the best they know how to do.

Keep this up and eventually, gradually and suddenly you’ll be living in a stream of gratitude where the sweetness of life resides. And that’s the kind of wetness we like.

To Sweeten Your Intimacy:

Try showering a friend with praise. For Him: Go over the top, let him know how much he means to you with at least ten things you say, or ten texts, or ten notes hidden around the office. Maybe hive him a reward for every one he finds. For Her: Go way over the top. Let her know how beautiful she is. Find at least ten ways to compliment her, and remember to thank her for all she does. And reward her every time she really takes it in.

In Beauty

Quehestemehah “You Dance In My Heart”

Amara Charles

Upcoming workshops

Quodoushka Spiritual Sexuality Intimacy Retreat For Singles and Couples Phoenix AZ Jan 22-25 

Shiva Shakti – An Introduction to Spiritual Sexuality Santa Fe, NM Jan 9-11 for my birthday!! 

An Uncanny Eye for Eros

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Listening to Mihaly Csikszentmihaly say ‘ecstasy‘ derives from a Greek word meaning to ‘stand to the side of something’ I had to pause his Ted talk, lean back with a tingle and say, Brilliant.

It’s quite an elegant way of describing what happens in the creative flow when your identity disappears, your body dissolves and what seems to be ‘You’ floats by, suspended in the sensation that something else is moving you.

I’d like to hop on this train to propose the same is true of erotic flow states. When we are tuned in, turned on and flooded with a heightened sexual sensations, we can be replenished by states where our pleasure is not only the result of our erotic flow, pleasure becomes the fuel, the promise and the gift

I’m sure you’ve been here before; in the stream state of awareness where you More …

The Five Tibetians

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These are excellent exercises for your health

It is OK to shout at someone?

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Dear Amara,
we have a medicine discussion going on and I really would like to hear
you interpretation about this topic! I think you are a wise teacher
and maybe can clarify something, please would you be so kind to answer
it, thanks you!

It is about the basic wheel “The Gifts of Being Human” (green Manual page 32)
Give with Tenderness (Emotions – Energy in Motion)

The question is: It is OK to shout at someone when the person who
shouts let their emotions go and is happy again within 15 minutes?

Like: A says: This is green.
And B is shouting at A: How can you tell me this is green when it is red!

You know just an example and the question is not who is wrong or right.

One Medicine person says: It is totally OK to shout at “A” because
otherwise I would hold my emotions which is not the proper use of
And yes, goal is to give with tenderness, but to reach this goal and
as long as I am not there it is totally OK to shout at a person – this
is spontaneous expression of energy (within 15 minutes) and therefore
good that “B” doesn’t hold emotions. “A” has to withstand that and if
A does not agree than A is not clear with her/his emotions.

One Medicine person says: It is not OK to shout at “A”, it is never OK
to shout at someone (except in a case of emergency).
If you loose your temper so that you have to shout at another person
you should do more character refinement. And if it happens than take
responsibility for your actions and make sure that “A” is OK – and
knows that it was just a short thunderstorm and you are well and happy

So what is your opinion to that case and how do you think about the
wheels in the south, give with tenderness?

Thank you very much for your answer!

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Ah, lovely question. I shall answer you with my first thoughts:

First of all, the question of ‘is it okay to…” is a direct set up. Making one thing right and another wrong. Thus if you shout, you are wrong.
The real question is, what does anger do for you?
Only you can be the judge of this.
A wise person begins to realize More …

How To Increase Your Erotic Intelligence

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The Sessons with Helen Hunt and John Hawks

Go see this movie.

Why? Because it’s not only lovely to watch truth crawling through the covers reaching below the belt of collective consciousness, it shows where men and women are not different in the places that count.

While it’s hardly a blockbuster, the fact that ‘The Sessions’ made it to the screen is a testimony to the raw power of sex. And there’s no better way to see such a movie than with a group of women dedicated to compassionate sex and intimacy. So when our Yin Way woman’s class filled a row in the theater, we rooted for this true story of a quadriplegic, virginal 38-year-old writer (John Hawks) and his married sexual surrogate (Helen Hunt).

The story is not only boldly intimate, quirky and touching, Hollywood got the message right: More …

Sun Dance Prayers

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In last newsletter, I invited friends to send me their prayers so that I can dance them to the tree in the Sun Dance Ceremony.

Here’s the Invitation:

Wishing you all a steamy summer (in a good way) as I head off to the Sun Dance ceremony.  If you’d like me to dance your prayers to the tree of life, send me a note by email with your prayers for healing or prosperity. I’d be honored and happy to help dance your dreams awake.

The Sun Dance is one of the oldest ceremonies on the planet. This will be my 22nd. year dancing. The theme of this years’ dance (where you dance to the Tree of life for 3 1/2 days) is benevolent compassion.
Here are some of the prayers people have sent so far:

Comment below if you’d like me to add your prayers.

Looking forward to spending some quality time with you at Q2. It feels like forever since I seen you last.
I would love for you to dance for prosperity and health to the tree of life for the my wife and I. I would also would love to step with grace and ease into a new role for me, which is one of a teacher. Teaching about massage and the sexual healing work I do. I would love to create beautiful art forms that have beautiful lines and curves. I would love healing for myself around any sexual issues that I have not cleared yet so that when I do work on my clients I am coming from the most sacred and highest place possible. I feel like I am ready to shed the old and be reborn again. More …

Once I Had A Dream

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Les McCann

Once I had a dream to live and love, and this dream became music. It touched all of the beautiful experiences I have searched for or known. Each sound was a color, and each color was a warm feeling, and my heart kept the tempo.
Les McCann

inspired by Mickey Hart
Grateful Dead
Music and Spirit

The Best Way

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The Best Way to Kill Your Music is to sit down every day and work at it. You got to sneak up on it and catch it when it’s not looking.
– Iggy Pop

Inspired by Mickey Hart
Music and Spirit
Grateful Dead

Protected: Is It Just Me?

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Amara Huia Vulva

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Protected: More Incredible Photos: Daughters of Quan Yin

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Protected: Beloved Daughters of Quan Yin, Thank You!!!!!

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It’s Great to be back in OZ!

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Making Love Through the Reptilian Brain

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Mexican Lancehead

My dear friend, a best-selling author and I were on Skype talking about his recent move away from Hollywood, where he had a booming publishing/movie career. Choosing his beloved family over career is just the kind of man he is, but he’s NOT happy living in Georgia. Because he is a fine specimen, and one of the most brilliant men I know, I know he’ll make it. Yet, for the first time in 10 years, I feel him frustrated and sad.

At the end of our chat I ask Shyena to come over to meet him, and, quite unlike her typical shyness, she saunters up to the screen and then dips towards my friend to reveal a stunning violet brassier. Nothing could have been more perfect. His first encounter with Shyena produces a pure ‘wow’ in his reptilian brain. And ours too.

The reptilian brain is a whole different breed of consciousness. We tap into it through More …

Shyena goes to Mt Everest

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My trip to Nepal and Bhutan was awesome!

Getting Beyond Performance Fears

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As a man, I’ve spent a lifetime, being single and living on my own. Yet, I love sex and love women. It’s a long story, but mental psychological things kept me yearning, for what I had very little of… intimacy and contentment and love. Now in my seventies, I still attract responses from young women. But I can’t respond too much, because of physical difficulties. Its not a good situation. Those intimacies I do share mean a lot, but remind me of how it might have been! I’m wondering if there are women who would be able to live with some of my limitations?

Unapprove | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | TrashHello Michael,
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. From the way you write, I believe there are many women who would enjoy getting to know you.
In my experience, we often make things up about ourselves that have very little to do with what is actually so. The only way to really know if there are women interested in you is to explore.
Now, as you are exploring, going to new places and finding ways to actually meet women I do have a bit of advice.

Please consider that the things you put forth and project as ‘limitations’ are actually make believe. I mean no disrespect, but the truth is, you have no idea how your body and mind and emotions will respond to a real woman. Just to let you know, I have known several gentlemen who were convinced ‘things weren’t working the way they should’ Funny thing is, a big part of making that seem like a ‘real fact’ was simply because they stayed away from women because they were afraid they couldn’t perform.

So here’s the thing Michael. If you dare to be intimate and cultivate close friendships with women- without any expectations- you will likely be quite surprised how your body and your mind, not to mention your heart will respond. My advice? Take delight in any woman you can. develop friendships. stay connected to feminine energy. If you stay connected to women, and many of your fears, worries and concerns will disappear. In my view, (regardless of your sexual preferences) a man who strays too far from strong, benevolent sources of feminine energy is lost. Finding your way however is easy. Women love kind and generous men, and you Michael, sound like a man women would like to be near.

Amara Charles is a highly acclaimed sex and intimacy expert who has taught workshops internationally since 1989, helping men and women reconnect with their passion, reclaim their sexual energy and deepen their appreciation for life. Charles is the author of several books, including The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka. Published by Inner Traditions/Bear & CO., it will be available in wide release in August 2011. Charles has been a guest on BBC, ABC radio, and HBO and has spoken at numerous national and international conferences where she gives presentations about sex and intimacy for various groups, corporate clients and universities