Tag Archives: spiritual sexuality

When Gratitude Gets Wet

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I know when you’re in a tidal wave of love, when things are flowing sweet, when Eros is all around, being grateful is like breathing. But what about after you’ve made a major mistake?Is it possible to get to gratitude when it feels like your ship is sailing in the wrong direction, when happiness fades and fine platitudes are the last things you want to hear? We’ve all had times where all we want to do is dig into a pit of sorrow, where, even if we know wallowing wont work, we do it anyway. This is when getting to gratitude really counts. But how can we feel grateful when everything seems closed, and hopeless and dark?

Here’s four big reasons why gratitude beats regret and resentment, every time.

Gratitude Feels Better

Of course we’d rather be tingling with gratitude every minute of the day, but the truth is, sometimes we choose to mope with pain, stew in our resentment or just lounge around trying not to think too much. Usually while we’re licking or barking about our wounds what we really need is attention; we want somebody to know we’re hurting. The trouble is, while it keeps us busy, it also keeps us in the pit longer. Gratitude is a way out.

Gratitude Takes Less Effort

All we have to do is More …

Hunting Marianne ~ an ode to finding Shakti anywhere

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I’ve come to think that just about anyone loves permission to talk about sex.

Once you you peel away the veils that like getting lifted, I notice it’s the same everywhere I go. And I love hunting Beauty wherever it lands; coaxing it to peek through the shyness, enchanting it to smile, wonder or sing just a little bit more than it should. I like taking down the weight of walls nobody likes holding up.

It’s how I hunted Marianne, a Jew from Uzbekistan sitting next to me on the plane from JFK To Phoenix. Even before I notice all the yamakas and delicious scent of food passing across the aisles, she catches my eye by the way she covers
her hair and keeps tugging her skirt to cover her legs. But it’s  how she inadvertently keeps brushing back her two year old’s soft brown curls that really has me smitten.

A lot of kids get cranky at take off, but Samuel stares wide-eyed out the window and giggles the whole way up. He seems blessed with an unusual dose of  gentle intelligence.

It was  Marianne who convinces me that given the time, a curious mood and the right questions, just about anyone will tell you anything . We start with casual banter about the Jewish holidays and then her nose flares slightly when I
tell her what I do. In her world of conservative Jews, no one’s written a book about sex. So she’s clearly delighted to me a few tell me things about her husband, all the while glancing at the floor to guard affections.

As Samuel begins to tire, I offer her a few tips and she asks for my card. I’m writing in the darkness when she says  ‘You should put the light on. It’s bad for your eyes.’  Exactly what my Mom used to say to me as a child.

I must have the Shakti shine all over me because when I go to the back of the plane to get water for tea Regina, the Black, South Korean flight attendant and I begin doing it again. I think people like talking to strangers, especially ones like me.

In 3 minutes I know she’s going down in beauty. First she tells me about her trips to South Korea with her Buddhist family, saying ‘I feel like an alien American duck. They touch all the time..” And then she whispers into my
ear, ‘My mother even massages my brother like it’s no big deal.’

The conversation heats up as I pour more water into our paper cups of puer tea.
Regina edges back whenever I mention relationships. I can tell she’s itching
to talk and I know she’s hiding something.  So finally I ask, ‘Are you seeing anyone?’

‘Yes’ she says, ‘I’m very much in love with someone I’ve known for a very longtime.’ The final cup of tea yields a tentative proclamation: ‘It’s a woman.’
“Well I’ll be‘ I say. ‘ I live with a woman too!’ We’re already FB friends.

New York was the perfect cherry of our global Shakti adventures meeting
succulent women from Germany, Croatia, Sloyania, Wales, China, Iran, Russia,  Tibet across the US and Texas.

When I got home at 1am the electricity was out. I could’ve mulled over the meaning this, but instead I called APS in the morning. Apparently, I was informed, ‘Your power is disconnected due to lack of payment.”

Ah yes. Paying bills. So good to be home for a sec. I’m actually writing this en route to Kauai and Maui for our Quodoushka Intimacy Retreats..

Aloha.

Quehestemeha You Dance In My Heart

In Beauty

Amara Charles

P.s. Still time to register for the November Q2 in Phoenix..

And for men and women we have Quodoushka’s in Phoenix, Texas and a new SHIVA SHAKTI workshop ~ an introduction to Spiritual Sexuality in Santa Fe,NM  January 9-11 2015.

FAQ: Quodoushka Spiritual Sexuality Workshop – Amara Charles

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Q Fire

These are some of the common Questions people ask about Quodoushka Spiritual Sexuality Workshops.

Can I come to a Quodoushka Workshop without a partner?
Yes! You may attend Quodoushka I and II as a single or attend with a partner.
For Quodoushka Three, you must attend with a partner.

Is it better to come with a partner? More …

Five Ways To Spot An Alpha Male

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Alpha Male

A beta male knows nothing higher than himself; but an alpha male instantly recognizes genius. 

I’ve had more comments from Five Things Women do in the Presence of an Alpha Male than any article I’ve written so far. Maybe having ‘What is an Alpha man?‘ on my mind turned me into some kind of magnet for them because for the last few weeks I’ve been quite dazzled by the alpha men who keep popping up around me.  

Yesterday, at my favorite coffee shop a man who always wants to know what I’m writing asked, ‘What do you think is Alpha?’… I suppose he has to show you, he sort of has to prove he’s better than other guys.’   

‘Yes. Maybe it’s true.’ I said, but as I explained that it’s all in the way he proves himself, he interrupted me with his real question: ‘Am I an Alpha man?’ More …

A Simple Love Habit that Works

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Yesterday I spoke with a couple having intimacy issues.
They were eager to give me the list of wasn’t working.
‘The first thing’ I said ‘you must to drop the habit of beginning with
the past.’

You will never feel like being intimate
by constantly bringing up what has not worked.
Constant criticism defeats desire. I suggested they spend
the week sharing as many sweet memories as they could.

When I get hooked into the habit of bringing up disappointing things, I first have to notice that I am doing this. When we are asleep to how our unkind words put out the fire of our passion we keep going down this futile tunnel.

The only juice you get from trying to correct your lover by pointing out what went wrong the last time is being ‘right’. Even if you manage to score a point with even tiny insults,   you are going to feel alone. We certainly know that insulting our lover is a dead end, but sometimes that perverse habit of criticizing wins the moment, and we say unkind things. Our ego is seems to win the battle, but our hearts always suffer.

It may sound trite to say as many kind things as you can to your lover, but in the realm of intimacy, it’s particularly true. We can retrain our minds to consciously speak of times when things worked well. Make it a habit to recall excellence, beauty and tenderness. Deliberately share victories with your beloved throughout your day. It’s simple, and it works. You just have to do it often enough to put your brain in the proper state of mind to be more loving and kind to each other.

Make it a point to share several beautiful memories and see what happens in the bedroom. I hope you’re pleasantly surprised what flows naturally from your hearts.

Because Beauty is a Living State of Love.

In beauty

Amara

How Did You Know I Wanted This?

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I believe happiness in our intimate relations can change the world.  Our feminine and masculine essence is absolutely precious; and when we can give this freely, without any expectation of return, it is the most valuable substance on earth.

How we give our most sacred, most special essence is a matter of practicing the skill of what the Buddhists call ‘Exchanging Your Self for Others’.

We tend to think our most intimate expressions happen under the sheets wrapped in the arms of a lover. Yet, the secret to having more of these moments, if this is what you want, is by practicing Benevolent Compassion.

Exchanging Your Self for Others is an active practice of Benevolent Compassion. It’s a matter of learning to observe by watching, asking questions to find out, noticing reactions, and constantly listening for clues about what someone likes. You will begin to see that the most revealing clues about what we really like come out unconsciously. More …

Parents Love The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka

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The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka: Teachings from the Nagual Tradition (Paperback)

I just started to read the book, and I am already thankful. I too was pretty much left in limbo regarding sexual relations when I was growing up. I got the church’s doctrine on the matter: don’t do it…you’ll get someone pregnant…it’s a sin to even think about it…oh, and it is also a sin to explore your own body through masturbation. There was no practical guidance from church, parents, or teachers as I stumbled through my sexual experiences and wondered why my experiences didn’t measure up to those displayed in the popular media (advertising, movies, magazines, etc.). Emotional and physical sexual development for me was done in the dark and always with a mental battle as to whether I should even be exploring this aspect of my personality. Some sort of mentoring process would have been very beneficial. Actually, In fact, I am sure it would still be beneficial since being mid-aged now I feel as though I have just barely scratched the surface of my sexual potential. I guess that is why I searched and found Quodoushka.The first chapter of the book has made me keenly aware of the source of my fairly recent feelings of being an insufficient parent for my young teenage children. This wasn’t a problem when they were younger, but I have difficulty now as they are starting to think about the opposite sex and sex in general. I would really like to give my kids some guidance other than the rhetoric and limbo I was given at that age, but I haven’t known how to even begin. Too much information before they are ready for it could be just as damaging as too little. Thankfully, I am also realizing from the text that I have already started my children on a solid path through my introducing them to nature and showing them the value of being observant in life and a good steward at home, school, and in the world. I am looking forward to learning much more about my sexual and parental potentials as I continue to read this wonderful book of knowledge.

Amara Says

Thank you for sharing this Dancing Yogi. I cannot tell you how many people – from all different cultures- I have met who have had little or no real sexual guidance or education from anyone.As I mention in this book, the harm caused by perpetuating negative attitudes about sex is immeasurable for when we do not have something instilled at the core of our being that says that sex is healthy, natural and good, it weakens the joy in every connection we make. When we have to hide our pleasure, when we feel guilty for the natural joy that creation has given us it paves the way for confusion in our adult relationships. Why in the world would we want to pass on this legacy? I commend you for your simple wisdom and for trying to introduce the world of sex to your children by having them look into the natural world around them. I am happy that my book inspired you to do something you probably already knew. I loved writing the chapter on An Initiation into the World of Sexuality. In many ways, it’s just plain common sense, yet because so many of us never had a good introduction to our sexuality, we get confused. We want to give our children the best we can, but we don’t always know how. As I say in many different ways in my book, the best thing we can do for our children is to get clear ourselves, heal the wounds we can, and then honestly answer the questions they ask.

I am thrilled by the responses from so many parents who are showing my book to young teens. They appreciate having some real guidance, and a starting place to talk about sex. A lot of people ask me ‘when should I show my children?’ I always say, ‘when they are interested, when they ask.’

I still see so many fine people that are hindered and held back from love and intimacy because of sexual things that happened to them when they were young. It takes a tremendous effort to overcome the wounds that happen because of ignorance, and again I commend you for taking steps to put the misinformation behind you. Many of us may wish we had these teachings way earlier, but I know it’s time now to begin a life of more care and sensitivity for your self, Mother Life, and others.

Thank you for sharing.
In beauty,
Amara

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New York City Quodoushka

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April 10-13
Residential Workshop for Singles and Couples
Early Registration Till February 15
Come Join this amazing group and let love  change your life
Amara Charles and John Thunderwolf

JOIN THE Quodoushka FAMILY – IN MAUI, NYC OR PHOENIX!

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Aloha from Hawaii

Here’s what folks are saying about Quodoushka:

Thank you so much for the safe space allowing me to blossom and to flower and feel the thrill in my opening and watching others open up too. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Your commitment, dedication and passion is pouring out of each of you. Your knowledge is powerful, but your love and care fills me.

As intimidating as it was for me to come with my partner, the fun we had, the things we learned about ourselves and each other are beyond expectation. Maybe we can be together another 30 years? –Skip

Pink Rose Cartoon

This was one of the most profound and life changing workshops I have ever attended. It is so refreshing to have plain talk and instruction on the subject of sex and sensual relations. This teaching and practice will change all my relationships from this point forward. I feel like I have been given a special tool kit to help me on my growing path. –James, Aerospace Engineer

Beautiful people! Why didn’t I know about this sooner!!! Thank you for being so compassionate!! I really felt like I could be myself around all of you! You made me smile, laugh, and cry! It was so emotional and worth it! Exciting! You are all AMAZING people and inspire me to truly, truly live life to the fullest and to stop worrying and to live in the moment and to just let it happen! –Kathy, Teaching Aide

Flowers Hawaii

Thank you for being authentic, empathetic, professional, loving, present, sensitive and non-shaming. So much love. Thank you. Deeelish food. Thank you. Care to know our names. Thank you. Respect for us a monogamous couple. Thank you. Loved the gratitude with gifts. Thank you. Wonderful attentiveness to food. Thank you. Unexpected diversity of ages, experiences, ideas, directions, sexuality. Perrrfecto!! –Mary, Yoga Studio Owner/Teacher
- See more at: http://www.amaracharles.com

Phoenix Quodoushka 1 Jan 31st- Feb 2nd / Phoenix Q2 Nov 7-10/                                   Maui  Q1 October 24-28/ NYC Q1 April 10-13 - click Here for details

Join us on FB Amara Charles- Nourishing Arts or Amara Charles on Twitter

How To Increase Your Erotic Intelligence

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The Sessons with Helen Hunt and John Hawks

Go see this movie.

Why? Because it’s not only lovely to watch truth crawling through the covers reaching below the belt of collective consciousness, it shows where men and women are not different in the places that count.

While it’s hardly a blockbuster, the fact that ‘The Sessions’ made it to the screen is a testimony to the raw power of sex. And there’s no better way to see such a movie than with a group of women dedicated to compassionate sex and intimacy. So when our Yin Way woman’s class filled a row in the theater, we rooted for this true story of a quadriplegic, virginal 38-year-old writer (John Hawks) and his married sexual surrogate (Helen Hunt).

The story is not only boldly intimate, quirky and touching, Hollywood got the message right: More …

Reclaiming Your Libido- White Tigress Taoist Feminine Secrets

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Feminine Spring

White Tigress Taoist Feminine Secrets
Every woman has a rich source of vibrant libido and feminine energy that yearns to flower into it’s full potential. Tapping into your feminine spring is about reclaiming your sexual vitality at any age.

Yet how do we find the time and energy to enjoy the pleasures of sex?  It’s easy to get so caught up in our Superwoman roles juggling schedules, jobs, kids or relationships that we put our sex life on the back shelf marked ‘Later.’ The trouble is, when we do find the time to make love, we may not have as much energy as we would like.

Thanks to ancient Taoists, who have long recognized sexuality as vital to our health, More …

Great Reviews of Quodoushka in USA, Australia & New Zealand

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Whole Life Times Review

MT0412FeatureTantraSex

The First New Zealand Sexuality and Consciousness
Symposium: Blockhouse Bay Boat Club, March 31-April 1.
Opening Evening: The Temple in Mt Eden, March 29, 7pm
(Quodoushka night, April 2).
Bookings: videoyogalessons.com

There’s a lot of “sharing” here, and it can
mean a lot of things. Normally, sitting in a
circle and summing up how you feel in this
moment. I feel fine — just warming up. Over
organic coffee, the charismatic American
Quodoushaka expert tells me that I might
be an Antelope Woman — just from the way
I talk. “Soften up,” she says. I will.
By evening, I have listened enough. It’s
time to interact. Other conferences might
offer you a golf tournament as a social event
— well, here they have an “intimate night”. It
starts with a big circle. The women outside,
the men inside, move with the music, change
partners. Then gaze into someone’s eyes,
say something nice to a stranger, do a little
twist. A bit like speed dating, but without
trying to impress — just attracting through
radiance and openness. It’s great fun. None
of those micro-connections has to mean
anything. There’s no attachment, no pickup
plan. I notice the handsome man in the
silk kaftan for the first time and just enjoy
that his eyes linger.
The next bit is harder. More …

A Natural Language for Sex

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This  is a video poem from my recently released best selling book: ‘The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka’ This clip shows the difference between clinical western approach affects sex, and how the more nature based language of Quodoushka can uplift and inspire more magical sexual experiences.

Amara Charles is author of the Best Selling "The SExual Practices of Quodoushka'

“This Note is to Warn you of A diabolical plot”

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This is perhaps the Best Love Letter I’ve ever read and you’ll never believe who wrote it.

My Darling Wife

This note is to warn you of a diabolical plot entered into by some of our so called friends – (ha!) calendar makers and even our own children. These and others would have you believe we’ve been married 20 years.

20 minutes maybe – but never 20 years. In the first place it is a known fact that a human cannot sustain the high level of happiness I feel for more than a few minutes – and my happiness keeps increasing.

I will confess to one puzzlement but I’m sure it is just some trick perpetrated by our friends – (Ha again!) I can’t remember ever being without you and I know I was born more than 20 mins ago.

Oh well – that isn’t important. The important thing is I don’t want to be without you for the next 20 years, or 40, or however many there are. I’ve gotten very used to being happy and I love you very much indeed.

Your Husband of 20 something or other.

Signed Ronald Reagan when he was governor of California in 1972. He wrote his note to Nancy on their 20th wedding anniversary.

What’s the Best Love Letter You’ve Ever Read?

The Nectar of Immortality

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What would just a sprinkle of immortal nectar bring to your relationships? And where do you buy this stuff? What does it taste like and what does it do?

The Nectar of Immortality has the flavor of sweet peaches; the scent of rose oil and it causes your heart to swell with the urge to give. When this vapor is in your mind, you let go of worry and it pops the balloons of stress, sorrow and anger stored in your cells. Past transgressions become irrelevant, whatever keeps you from acting kindly dissolves and it gives you power to face anything. More …