Tag Archives: sexual intimacy
FAQ’s About Quodouhhka and Shakti Queen Retreats
Hi, I’m from Argentina. I’ve read about the retreats and I find it interesting. My sexual life began late, but since them I’m trying to get better at it. However I’m still not very comfortable with my body and sexuality. I think that would help… I’d like to know what kind of exercises you do and how is everything there… I would like to participate and grow there and I understand that some exercises may be difficult, I don’t know… The thing is I’m sometimes a bit shy, so is that right for me? Is there nudity there? Or sexual contact? Because I’d like to grow and learn to be more free, but it would make me embarrassed and nervous… So how is it? Is there nudity at all? And if so, how would I get to be comfortable with it?
There are so many workshops and retreats… I was thinking of the women’s retreat in Hawaii, but I’m not sure now… It’s better a Q1 workshop for me? Or what do you recommend me?
First I will share about Shakti Queen, which would be an excellent way to begin. Many women choose to do Shakti Queen first because you will have the opportunity to explore, doscover and experience personal insights about the power and the beauty of your sexuality in an amazing circle of women.
We begin with reflections of the divine goddess, where you will receive a Goddess image that you will dream into and seek to embody throughout the weekend.
This Goddess image is a special shamanic tool used by women to draw out and awaken certain qualities that are dormant, yet yearning to be expressed.
Later in the retreat, after you have had time to contemplate and share with sisters the meaning of this face of the Goddess, we have a very special
bringing out the highest reflection of the Goddess inside you. This will be an experience that will guide and inspire you to manifest your heart’s desire throughout the year.
Another focus of Shakti Queen is practicing the sweetness of devotion. Each day we will share chanting, meditation and special feminine spiritual practices that have been used by women for centuries to strengthen their spirits. We will also do very specific Taoist practices for sexual restoration, including Yin Way Breast Massage, ovarian massage and other qigong practices for developing harmony and vitality in our bodies, minds and spirits. What’s so special about these practices is that they have been taught to me mostly by women, and they are specifically designed to be learned and shared by women. They are easy, fun and delicious. They are sensual, but not sexual. The focus is on you opening your heart to you, and feeling this wonderful aliveness in your body.
All of Shakti Queen is based upon what I call the Great Softening. So many women reach a point where they’ve learned how to survive, they’ve gained skills to make it in the world.
In the process, we harden, and we lose touch with the amazing power of our own softness. That’s why I call it the Great Softening, where we learn to claim, celebrate, and most importantly learn how to use our soft power to bring happiness into our relationships, families and careers. The workshop is about learning ways to nourish yourself with so much self love it pours into every area of your life.
There’s much more…of course Maui will be extraordinary because we will be doing a lot of these practices in gorgeous natural settings, near oceans and wild lagoons…
The only nudity will be if you want to go swimming, or lie bask in the sun…(and the breast exercise if you choose.)
Now for the Quodoushka.
Of course the big difference is that there are men, and this changes everything !
There will be approximately 30 people, both singles and couples. You will be choosing
different partners throughout the program. Some exercises are solo, some
are partnered and some with the whole group.
The exercises range from talking exercises to clear sexual issues, breathing exercises to liberate sexual energy, healing touch exercises to release and remove sexual stress, and group exercises to transform pain or shame into confidence and pride with who you are. There are so many different ways we do this it’s hard to explain them all…
The main thing is this: each exercise will be demonstrated.
You will have the chance to observe, and then you will have time before each exercise to make an agreement about precisely how YOU feel comfortable doing the demonstrated exercise.
And we give you guidelines about how to make your agreements with a partner. After the exercise we all share about what we learned; what worked and what didn’t.
This is a big part of Quodoushka, maybe the biggest thing people ‘take home’ from the workshop, and why so may come back over and over again.
I believe the this is the place we get hurt and confused about sexual intimacy the most: we don’t know how to first consider and then say to our partner what we want. We tend to dive in and figure things out later. Sometimes it’s great, but lots of times it isn’t.
Quodoushka gives you guided, authentic, real-time practice making sexual agreements first with yourself and then with another. Creating good agreements before you act sexually could possibly save you years and years of learning by trial and lots of error.
In Quodoushka making agreements is easy, it’s fun, and most importantly, your agreements lead to the kind of pleasure you can fully own and cherish. I call it creating the conditions for your own safety. This workshop is about taking your power,
by learning to express what you want and what you don’t. Feeling good about that is probably the most important teaching with in all the amazing teachings of Quodoushka.
Yes, we recommend you you do many of these practices without clothes. Why? Aside from the fact that it’s much easier, you will have the chance, in a very safe and sacred environment to shed layers of shame about your body you didn’t even know you have.
Not everything is done without clothes, in fact we ask you to dress in very special ways for your Quodushka experience (but that’s something you get to find out about once you register:-) Trust me, it’s a lot of fun.
Now, this being said, there is absolutely nothing in Quodoushka workshop that you must do.
We believe there are already enough things you’ve learned that you should or shouldn’t to sexually, so our interest is in totally supporting you to find and express your own “Yes”,
and your own ‘No’. Sometimes, a ‘no’ can be just the thing you most need to learn, and sometimes a ‘yes’ is the very thing you’ve been afraid of but secretly hoped to find a way to say. Quodoushka gives you practice finding YOUR sexual yes.
Over the years, as you can imagine, I’ve been asked about nudity countless times. And honestly, by the time we get to an exercise, most people cannot wait to shed a few clothes and do the exercise… This is because we do everything gradually, and we make sure it’s a safe, sacred and respectful place to learn and grow. We strive to create this loving place of safety because we know how very fragile we are in this intimate arena - no matter how old or young we are.
The next big question is, ‘How far will this go?’
I can answer this one easily: there is no explicit sexuality in any of the exercises in Q1.
There is touching, but as to what’s included, as I said, this is entirely up to you. The exercises are not genitally focused. In the group we have a range of people who may have been married for twenty years, to people who are coming as
singles and experiencing this kind of workshop for the very first time.
So we create a place where everyone can make choices that work for them.
Another question I often don’t hear, (because maybe people are afraid to say) is the fear about being seen by others in a group, discussing or practicing these exercises.
Again, I say, not to worry. You will be tucked away in a little corner of privacy so focused the rest of the people will disappear. I hear this comment from people time and time again, so I know it’s true.
Many of the fears we have are projections of things we don’t know, but that’s also the excitement about coming to a Quodoushka!
It’s exciting to face’ the unknown’ in a safe, secure and loving place. That’s where all the growth is. Really, Quodoushka is not just about sex,it’s about discovering where your vulnerable edges are and learning to move into those edges with pleasure and care.
Thanks For Asking! I hope this answers your questions. If you have more, please ask!
Too Learn More Please Visit our Workshop Page to see our Upcoming Workshops
In Beauty, Amara Charles
Author I Workshops I Orbit Coaching
602 820 4661
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Yesterday I spoke with a couple having intimacy issues.
They were eager to give me the list of wasn’t working.
‘The first thing’ I said ‘you must to drop the habit of beginning with
You will never feel like being intimate
by constantly bringing up what has not worked.
Constant criticism defeats desire. I suggested they spend
the week sharing as many sweet memories as they could.
When I get hooked into the habit of bringing up disappointing things, I first have to notice that I am doing this. When we are asleep to how our unkind words put out the fire of our passion we keep going down this futile tunnel.
The only juice you get from trying to correct your lover by pointing out what went wrong the last time is being ‘right’. Even if you manage to score a point with even tiny insults, you are going to feel alone. We certainly know that insulting our lover is a dead end, but sometimes that perverse habit of criticizing wins the moment, and we say unkind things. Our ego is seems to win the battle, but our hearts always suffer.
It may sound trite to say as many kind things as you can to your lover, but in the realm of intimacy, it’s particularly true. We can retrain our minds to consciously speak of times when things worked well. Make it a habit to recall excellence, beauty and tenderness. Deliberately share victories with your beloved throughout your day. It’s simple, and it works. You just have to do it often enough to put your brain in the proper state of mind to be more loving and kind to each other.
Make it a point to share several beautiful memories and see what happens in the bedroom. I hope you’re pleasantly surprised what flows naturally from your hearts.
Because Beauty is a Living State of Love.
I believe happiness in our intimate life can change the world.
I know great intimate relationships don’t just ‘happen’. Those who share emotional trust, who help bring each others’ dreams into reality and who enjoy sexual intimacy work to have these things.
I wrote this book because I believe such skills, especially the skill of balancing intimacy and sex with everything else in your life can and must be learned. I love the Quodoushka teachings, because everyone is included, anyone can share them and, once you get a taste of just how much there is to learn, everything in your relationships gets better.
No one I know lives, toils or dreams of success all by themselves. We all want to generate abundance for one purpose: to share it. What’s the use of all our efforts if we’re not creating the kind of intimate relationships where we can’t wait to go home and share?
Is there anything sexier? A warm, soft body waits for you. You notice a smile and a shiver when you enter the room. It’s closeness that melts through anything, dissolves distractions and grabs you near. Sex is an invitation to experience beauty. Intimacy is the knock on the door and the lounging around after. Conversation, listening, loving whatever makes your lover happy- these are the things I love about intimacy. But intimacy is also rugged: it makes you ignore distance, oceans and time. It pulls you close even when you want to pull back. Intimacy is so sexy because it makes you want to More …
I think maybe we all want sex that makes us shiver and sweat all over, but we also want sex that makes us smile, and melt into each others bodies all night. Do we have to choose between hot sex or intimate sex? While some talking is needed to have either how sex or cozy sex, it’s good to know when to talk and when to stop.
Here’s one of my favorite ways to hit the sweet spot. More …
I just watched Brene Brown’s Ted’s lecture on Vulnerability, Connection, Shame and Self Worth. First of all, she’s a lovely, humble speaker who has done some great research on what makes people shy away from intimate connection. Didn’t know you could get PHD’s on that kind of research… Her bottom line take on what makes people feel disconnected and alone? Feeling Unworthy.
After teaching spiritual sexuality workshops for over twenty years, I couldn’t agree more. And here’s what else I think. More …
What Makes a Magnificent Sexual Experience?
1. For me I really look for energy that is being exchanged between me and my partner. I like to feel connected to my chakras and spiral energy through them, while maintaining breath awareness. This allows me to have control of my energetic and physical body and abstain from orgasm until I feel ready if I choose. By doing this the orgasm is sometimes secondary to the sexual experience. It is more about the intimacy, kissing, sweating, love, verbal communication, etc that transpires.
2. Creating a fantasy and playing it out is sometimes thrilling as there is role play involved, which really allows the imaginative process of sex to be explored. It can be and is usually is about desire, lust, sex and orgasm for both of us.
3. Sometimes just a quickie at an off hour where we just have sex for the fun of having sex, I recently had a great make out session in the back seat of my girlfriend’s car simply because she pulled me in. No sex but wow was it exhilarating.
#1 What makes for magnificent sex?
When I give my COMPLETE ATTENTION to my lover, and she to me, that where it all starts and ends.
With that we discover the rhythms in our breathing and body language.
And then it’s trusting and having confidence in the rightness of your sexual dance together.
Yes. Yes. Wonderful. I agree it’s more about the intangibles of energy, breathing and intimacy and perhaps fantasy as you say…
I suspect there is something else too…
I believe what makes a magnificent sexual experience- not just a good, or satisifying one, but a Magnificent Sexual Experience is pretty much unexplainable. Nevertheless, for me there is one thing that will resonate like a fragrance throughout every moment of an unforgettable sexual experience. It comes in through the door when you create good trust and luxurious sensitivity. I call it the Unknown.
A really extraordinary sexual experience pulls you- once you feel safe enough to open- into the Unknown. The only way this happens is when you drop all contrivances, all past, all techniques, and you focus purely on the wild spontaneous split second that will only happen once. A Magnificent sexual experiences can only happen one time That’s it’s beauty. So it’s impossible to ever recreate of even attempt to do over a magnificent moment. It’s far better to poise your senses on the edges of beauty and saturate the mind with exquisite thoughts of beauty. Then perhaps the sex gods will grant you the chance to share an eternal moment of bliss with somebody. And if you are granted thusly, you will enjoy it for the rest of your life.
Last year we started a conversation about men, but truly, I was just getting started… So here’s a few thoughts about these unusual creatures to usher in another year of living the good life.
Arghhhh, Men. You have to love them though, I certainly do. Despite their tendency to drive you utterly crazy with the strange things they do, it’s good to remember their needs are fairly simple. While it’s probably no surprise that men need affection and support on a regular basis More …