Tag Archives: sexual intimacy
Yesterday I spoke with a couple having intimacy issues.
They were eager to give me the list of wasn’t working.
‘The first thing’ I said ‘you must to drop the habit of beginning with
You will never feel like being intimate
by constantly bringing up what has not worked.
Constant criticism defeats desire. I suggested they spend
the week sharing as many sweet memories as they could.
When I get hooked into the habit of bringing up disappointing things, I first have to notice that I am doing this. When we are asleep to how our unkind words put out the fire of our passion we keep going down this futile tunnel.
The only juice you get from trying to correct your lover by pointing out what went wrong the last time is being ‘right’. Even if you manage to score a point with even tiny insults, you are going to feel alone. We certainly know that insulting our lover is a dead end, but sometimes that perverse habit of criticizing wins the moment, and we say unkind things. Our ego is seems to win the battle, but our hearts always suffer.
It may sound trite to say as many kind things as you can to your lover, but in the realm of intimacy, it’s particularly true. We can retrain our minds to consciously speak of times when things worked well. Make it a habit to recall excellence, beauty and tenderness. Deliberately share victories with your beloved throughout your day. It’s simple, and it works. You just have to do it often enough to put your brain in the proper state of mind to be more loving and kind to each other.
Make it a point to share several beautiful memories and see what happens in the bedroom. I hope you’re pleasantly surprised what flows naturally from your hearts.
Because Beauty is a Living State of Love.
I believe happiness in our intimate life can change the world.
I know great intimate relationships don’t just ‘happen’. Those who share emotional trust, who help bring each others’ dreams into reality and who enjoy sexual intimacy work to have these things.
I wrote this book because I believe such skills, especially the skill of balancing intimacy and sex with everything else in your life can and must be learned. I love the Quodoushka teachings, because everyone is included, anyone can share them and, once you get a taste of just how much there is to learn, everything in your relationships gets better.
No one I know lives, toils or dreams of success all by themselves. We all want to generate abundance for one purpose: to share it. What’s the use of all our efforts if we’re not creating the kind of intimate relationships where we can’t wait to go home and share?
Is there anything sexier? A warm, soft body waits for you. You notice a smile and a shiver when you enter the room. It’s closeness that melts through anything, dissolves distractions and grabs you near. Sex is an invitation to experience beauty. Intimacy is the knock on the door and the lounging around after. Conversation, listening, loving whatever makes your lover happy- these are the things I love about intimacy. But intimacy is also rugged: it makes you ignore distance, oceans and time. It pulls you close even when you want to pull back. Intimacy is so sexy because it makes you want to More …
I think maybe we all want sex that makes us shiver and sweat all over, but we also want sex that makes us smile, and melt into each others bodies all night. Do we have to choose between hot sex or intimate sex? While some talking is needed to have either how sex or cozy sex, it’s good to know when to talk and when to stop.
Here’s one of my favorite ways to hit the sweet spot. More …
I just watched Brene Brown’s Ted’s lecture on Vulnerability, Connection, Shame and Self Worth. First of all, she’s a lovely, humble speaker who has done some great research on what makes people shy away from intimate connection. Didn’t know you could get PHD’s on that kind of research… Her bottom line take on what makes people feel disconnected and alone? Feeling Unworthy.
After teaching spiritual sexuality workshops for over twenty years, I couldn’t agree more. And here’s what else I think. More …
What Makes a Magnificent Sexual Experience?
1. For me I really look for energy that is being exchanged between me and my partner. I like to feel connected to my chakras and spiral energy through them, while maintaining breath awareness. This allows me to have control of my energetic and physical body and abstain from orgasm until I feel ready if I choose. By doing this the orgasm is sometimes secondary to the sexual experience. It is more about the intimacy, kissing, sweating, love, verbal communication, etc that transpires.
2. Creating a fantasy and playing it out is sometimes thrilling as there is role play involved, which really allows the imaginative process of sex to be explored. It can be and is usually is about desire, lust, sex and orgasm for both of us.
3. Sometimes just a quickie at an off hour where we just have sex for the fun of having sex, I recently had a great make out session in the back seat of my girlfriend’s car simply because she pulled me in. No sex but wow was it exhilarating.
#1 What makes for magnificent sex?
When I give my COMPLETE ATTENTION to my lover, and she to me, that where it all starts and ends.
With that we discover the rhythms in our breathing and body language.
And then it’s trusting and having confidence in the rightness of your sexual dance together.
Yes. Yes. Wonderful. I agree it’s more about the intangibles of energy, breathing and intimacy and perhaps fantasy as you say…
I suspect there is something else too…
I believe what makes a magnificent sexual experience- not just a good, or satisifying one, but a Magnificent Sexual Experience is pretty much unexplainable. Nevertheless, for me there is one thing that will resonate like a fragrance throughout every moment of an unforgettable sexual experience. It comes in through the door when you create good trust and luxurious sensitivity. I call it the Unknown.
A really extraordinary sexual experience pulls you- once you feel safe enough to open- into the Unknown. The only way this happens is when you drop all contrivances, all past, all techniques, and you focus purely on the wild spontaneous split second that will only happen once. A Magnificent sexual experiences can only happen one time That’s it’s beauty. So it’s impossible to ever recreate of even attempt to do over a magnificent moment. It’s far better to poise your senses on the edges of beauty and saturate the mind with exquisite thoughts of beauty. Then perhaps the sex gods will grant you the chance to share an eternal moment of bliss with somebody. And if you are granted thusly, you will enjoy it for the rest of your life.
Last year we started a conversation about men, but truly, I was just getting started… So here’s a few thoughts about these unusual creatures to usher in another year of living the good life.
Arghhhh, Men. You have to love them though, I certainly do. Despite their tendency to drive you utterly crazy with the strange things they do, it’s good to remember their needs are fairly simple. While it’s probably no surprise that men need affection and support on a regular basis More …