Tag Archives: Inspiration

When Gratitude Gets Wet

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I know when you’re in a tidal wave of love, when things are flowing sweet, when Eros is all around, being grateful is like breathing. But what about after you’ve made a major mistake?

 Is it possible to get to gratitude when it feels like your ship is sailing in the wrong direction, when happiness fades and fine platitudes are the last things you want to hear? We’ve all had times where all we want to do is dig into a pit of sorrow, where, even if we know wallowing wont work, we do it anyway. This is when getting to gratitude really counts. But how can we feel grateful when everything seems closed, and hopeless and dark?

Here’s four big reasons why gratitude beats regret and resentment, every time.

Gratitude Feels Better

Of course we’d rather be tingling with gratitude every minute of the day, but the truth is, sometimes we choose to mope with pain, stew in our resentment or just lounge around trying not to think too much. Usually while we’re licking or barking about our wounds what we really need is attention; we want somebody to know we’re hurting. The trouble is, while it keeps us busy, it also keeps us in the pit longer. Gratitude is a way out.

Gratitude Takes Less Effort

All we have to do is consider for a second that if we’re born into a physical body (even if we’re not happy with it at the moment), there’s always somebody who gave us this chance. The instant you can find anything to be grateful for, a sliver of light sneaks inside. The good part is, you don’t have to be grateful for anything big and you can even stay moody about certain things. That’s because gratitude is a bit like laughter, just letting a little in makes it harder to stay mad, sad or lonely for long.

Gratitude Heals Transgressions

It’s sincere gratitude, the kind that’s hard to get to that heals past transgressions. Let me explain: The biggest mistakes I’ve made have brought me into floods of confusion where feeling gratitude was out of the question. It was always because I made the wrong decision at the wrong time. I wanted what I wanted and I overlooked, or more truthfully, didn’t think for a second about how my actions might cause suffering to another. Usually I went through a phase convinced the problem was entirely ‘theirs’ and not mine. I had to dig deep, scan my actions and ask myself, ‘what was my piece in this trouble?.’ With no excuses. That’s it.

Gratitude Is Real

Even in the worst cases, when maybe the only thing you can be grateful for is the fact that you are around to tell the story, expressing gratitude brings you back to what’s real. Though we might not always get to gratitude right away, that awful thing we’ve said or done just may be just the jolt we need to wake us up.

The most amazing people I know actually practice sincere repentance daily.

My greatest teachers have helped me reflect on how many times I’ve fallen asleep and forgotten the feelings of others because I’ve been too focused on what I see. They’ve also helped me understand there are things beyond what I can see in every situation.

So as we move into this holiday season, I hope you’ll give your self a big break, have plenty of compassion, lots of laughing and perhaps acknowledge someone in your life who is doing the best they know how to do.

Keep this up and eventually, gradually and suddenly you’ll be living in a stream of gratitude where the sweetness of life resides. And that’s the kind of wetness we like.

To Sweeten Your Intimacy:

Try showering a friend with praise. For Him: Go over the top, let him know how much he means to you with at least ten things you say, or ten texts, or ten notes hidden around the office. Maybe hive him a reward for every one he finds. For Her: Go way over the top. Let her know how beautiful she is. Find at least ten ways to compliment her, and remember to thank her for all she does. And reward her every time she really takes it in.

In Beauty

Quehestemehah “You Dance In My Heart”

Amara Charles

Upcoming workshops

Quodoushka Spiritual Sexuality Intimacy Retreat For Singles and Couples Phoenix AZ Jan 22-25 

Shiva Shakti – An Introduction to Spiritual Sexuality Santa Fe, NM Jan 9-11 for my birthday!! 

A Simple Love Habit that Works

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Yesterday I spoke with a couple having intimacy issues.
They were eager to give me the list of wasn’t working.
‘The first thing’ I said ‘you must to drop the habit of beginning with
the past.’

You will never feel like being intimate
by constantly bringing up what has not worked.
Constant criticism defeats desire. I suggested they spend
the week sharing as many sweet memories as they could.

When I get hooked into the habit of bringing up disappointing things, I first have to notice that I am doing this. When we are asleep to how our unkind words put out the fire of our passion we keep going down this futile tunnel.

The only juice you get from trying to correct your lover by pointing out what went wrong the last time is being ‘right’. Even if you manage to score a point with even tiny insults,   you are going to feel alone. We certainly know that insulting our lover is a dead end, but sometimes that perverse habit of criticizing wins the moment, and we say unkind things. Our ego is seems to win the battle, but our hearts always suffer.

It may sound trite to say as many kind things as you can to your lover, but in the realm of intimacy, it’s particularly true. We can retrain our minds to consciously speak of times when things worked well. Make it a habit to recall excellence, beauty and tenderness. Deliberately share victories with your beloved throughout your day. It’s simple, and it works. You just have to do it often enough to put your brain in the proper state of mind to be more loving and kind to each other.

Make it a point to share several beautiful memories and see what happens in the bedroom. I hope you’re pleasantly surprised what flows naturally from your hearts.

Because Beauty is a Living State of Love.

In beauty


Feature Article: Sexy Success

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What makes for stellar success is a personal thing, but my recent visit with Jaiya, a successful sex educator, shows how doing what we like in bed may be just what we need to succeed. While being filmed for her VH1 special on somatic (hands on) sexology, we got a private peek into how she delights in using her sexiness for success, and her success to stay sexy – and why we shouldn’t settle for subpar in either.

Busting Myth #1: You have to Sell Out to Succeed

Have you ever noticed how things speed up when you’re feeling successful? You seem to do much more in less time, you have to say ‘no’ to things you could once say ‘yes’ to, and you don’t have as much time to hang out. To others it may seem as if you’ve sold out. The speed of things focuses your mission, challenges you to be excellent and makes you select where you place every precious ounce of attention (and where not to.) If you relax inside, you can handle the ‘swish’.  It’s exhilarating. The faster things happen, the more of a magnet you become for more connections. Now, take this same principle, and apply it to your private erotic life. Riding the sublime comes down to: just doing it creates the desire and energy for more.

Busting Myth #2: It’s Who You Know

It’s not who you know, it’s what you do with who you know. Success is contagious, as the happier and more generous you are, the more fun you are to be with and thus the more opportunities land in your lap. Since success tends to make you feel wanted, you become someone people want to be near. That is, if you are actually enjoying your self inside the buzz. Now take this into your personal erotic life. When you are generous, even inside the whirlwind of busyness, taking each conversation to heart, appreciating anyone near you, you are multipling pleasure. This is the alluring energy behind success, and it works in bed too. If you’re tense while doing the never-ending stream of whatever you’re doing, or you are not content with what (or who) is sitting next to you, success will always be just out of reach. It’s not only who can help you succeed, it’s who’s around to share it with.

Busting Myth #3  It Takes Money to Make Money

This myth is about the idea that you have to have money to make it, or erotically, you have to have a partner to have sex. While it’s true, sex is always better with a warm body, the trick to both money and sex, is having some. In Jennifer Goldberg’s article, Why you Need Good Sex, she says,Seeking out—and having— good sex is a self-perpetuating cycle. The neurotransmitter dopamine—which “focuses your attention on something you really want to go after,” (explains Dr. Pfaus)1—gives us the confidence to approach mates we think will provide the most pleasure, while good sex releases opioids, which further stoke the fire.’

Busting Myth # 4  Pain = Gain

The myth that successful people are too driven by ambition to enjoy anything (and there are plenty of examples) comes from the idea that it takes self – sacrifice and suffering to end suffering. But pain loops may not only deplete your reserve of dopamine, if you don’t have it right along the way, it wont will be much fun when you ‘get there’. Another option is to operate on a pleasure loop for success. It’s not a selfish grasp for pleasure, or a perpetual craving for what’s missing, it’s a loop where you derive pleasure by giving something of value to others while having a blast along the way too. It’s the tease of anticipation, savoring every nibble and squeeze while feeling delight in another’s joy that’s the stuff of success. When it starts happening in the boardroom as smoothly as it does in the bedroom, as I experienced being with Jaiya, you know you’re onto something good.

What’s success? Feeling grateful for being alive is success; the rest is relative.

In beauty, © Amara Charles

Quehestemehah ‘You dance in my heart’

Amara Charles’ Best – Selling Book ‘The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka’ featuring the Sexual Anatomy Types as Seen on VH1 is available on www.amaracharles.com or Amazon.com

Improvisation is not the expression of accident

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Improvisation is not the expression of accident but rather of the accumulated yearnings, dreams, and wisdom of our very soul.  –Yehudi Menuhin

inspired by Mickey Hart, Grateful Dead, The Magic of Music

Rhythm is the soul of life

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Where I come from we say that rhythm is the soul of life, because the whole universe revolves around rhythm, and when we get out of rhythm, that’s when we get into trouble.  Babatunde Olatunji

Inspired by Mickey Hart, Grateful Dead, Spirit into Sound

All I know

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All I know is, for every note, there is another note that melts it.  I just hear a sound coming into my head and hope to catch it with my hands.   Erroll Garner

inspired by Mickey Hart, Grateful Dead, Spirit and Music

When I’m singing

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Janis Joplin

When I’m singing, I’m inside of it…I feel, oh, like I feel when you’re first in love, when you’re first touching someone–chills, things slipping all over me… Janis Joplin

Inspired by Mickey Hart
Grateful Dead
The Magic of Music

I never practice

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Wanda 7

I NEVER practice, I always play.  Wanda Landowska

inspired by Mickey Hart, Grateful Dead, Spirit and Music

The composer is like a sleepwalker

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The composer reveals the innermost being of the world and expresses the deepest wisdom in a language which his own reason does not understand; like a sleepwalker, who tells things of which he has no clear knowledge when he is awake.   Schopenhauer

inspired by Mickey Hart, Grateful Dead, The Magic of Music

When you play from your heart

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When you play from your heart, all of a sudden there’s no gravity, you don’t feel the weight of the world, of bills, of anything. That’s why people love it.
–Carlos Santana

inspired by Mickey Hart
Grateful Dead
Spirit into Sound


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chinese landscape

The composer, as in old China, joins Heaven and Earth with threads of sounds. Alan Hovhaness

inspired by Mickey Hart
Grateful Dead
Spirit into Sound


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Lita Ford

Playing guitar is a sexual thing. It comes from the crotch, it comes from the heart, and it comes from the head–you don’t need to have muscles to play it. Lita Ford

inspired by Mickey Hart
Grateful Dead
Spirit into Sound


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John Cage

Everything you do is music and everywhere is the best seat.
–John Cage

inspired by Mickey Hart
Grateful Dead
Spirit into Sound


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I did not choose my profession, it chose me. Since childhood, it has grown between me and people. My music is all one love letter, but to whom?
–Ned Rorem

inspired by Mickey Hart
Grateful Dead
Spirit into Sound

Once I Had A Dream

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Les McCann

Once I had a dream to live and love, and this dream became music. It touched all of the beautiful experiences I have searched for or known. Each sound was a color, and each color was a warm feeling, and my heart kept the tempo.
Les McCann

inspired by Mickey Hart
Grateful Dead
Music and Spirit