Sexual Education

A Simple Love Habit that Works

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Yesterday I spoke with a couple having intimacy issues.
They were eager to give me the list of wasn’t working.
‘The first thing’ I said ‘you must to drop the habit of beginning with
the past.’

You will never feel like being intimate
by constantly bringing up what has not worked.
Constant criticism defeats desire. I suggested they spend
the week sharing as many sweet memories as they could.

When I get hooked into the habit of bringing up disappointing things, I first have to notice that I am doing this. When we are asleep to how our unkind words put out the fire of our passion we keep going down this futile tunnel.

The only juice you get from trying to correct your lover by pointing out what went wrong the last time is being ‘right’. Even if you manage to score a point with even tiny insults,   you are going to feel alone. We certainly know that insulting our lover is a dead end, but sometimes that perverse habit of criticizing wins the moment, and we say unkind things. Our ego is seems to win the battle, but our hearts always suffer.

It may sound trite to say as many kind things as you can to your lover, but in the realm of intimacy, it’s particularly true. We can retrain our minds to consciously speak of times when things worked well. Make it a habit to recall excellence, beauty and tenderness. Deliberately share victories with your beloved throughout your day. It’s simple, and it works. You just have to do it often enough to put your brain in the proper state of mind to be more loving and kind to each other.

Make it a point to share several beautiful memories and see what happens in the bedroom. I hope you’re pleasantly surprised what flows naturally from your hearts.

Because Beauty is a Living State of Love.

In beauty

Amara

Five Things Women Do in the Presence of an Alpha Male

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The Alpha Male

As fascinating as the topic of the Instinctive Design of Erotic Attention* was really, it’s the bronco ride of co-creating with an alpha male that lifts my skirt these days.

My recent collaboration inspires me to reflect on the five things women tend to do when we’re with an alpha male. But first, I suppose, we should ask, What are the signs you’ve got an alpha male on your hands?

He’s Unpredictable. Check. Powerfully assertive yet yielding at the right moments. Check. He’s an unabashed, indomitable and at times he’s an unstoppable leader. Yet, as strong as he appears, a superior alpha male bows gracefully to feminine intelligence whenever she shows a face wiser than his own. Double  Check.

The five things we tend to do are run, put him above us, contend, control or cultivate and then ride on the curves of his magic. Any of these options may be correct depending on the man and the time. The approaches you choose will either take you into tangled webs of disappointment or they will intensify the quality of happiness in your intimate relations with men.

Running

Although the option of running may seem weak, if you sense an alpha male is using his seductive charms to get something you do not wish to give, running away could be an act of power.  But how many of us, intrigued by an alpha male’s charm, stay longer than we know is right?

To reflect on the reasons why, consider this: cajoling you into giving something that you actually desire, but are afraid to give can be quite alluring. An alpha male must become good at hunting for the hidden needs of a woman; predators take advantage of them.

More …

The I.D.E.A of Erotic Intelligence

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Saturday I. D. E. A.  1 Day Workshop (info)

Instinctive Design of Erotic Attention

Phoenix, March 8th 11am-9pm

Cost: $99

Also:

 NEW! Phoenix Tantra Meet Up. Erotic Intelligence Intro

Friday Night, March 7th  

Cost $15

Parents Love The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka

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The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka: Teachings from the Nagual Tradition (Paperback)

I just started to read the book, and I am already thankful. I too was pretty much left in limbo regarding sexual relations when I was growing up. I got the church’s doctrine on the matter: don’t do it…you’ll get someone pregnant…it’s a sin to even think about it…oh, and it is also a sin to explore your own body through masturbation. There was no practical guidance from church, parents, or teachers as I stumbled through my sexual experiences and wondered why my experiences didn’t measure up to those displayed in the popular media (advertising, movies, magazines, etc.). Emotional and physical sexual development for me was done in the dark and always with a mental battle as to whether I should even be exploring this aspect of my personality. Some sort of mentoring process would have been very beneficial. Actually, In fact, I am sure it would still be beneficial since being mid-aged now I feel as though I have just barely scratched the surface of my sexual potential. I guess that is why I searched and found Quodoushka.The first chapter of the book has made me keenly aware of the source of my fairly recent feelings of being an insufficient parent for my young teenage children. This wasn’t a problem when they were younger, but I have difficulty now as they are starting to think about the opposite sex and sex in general. I would really like to give my kids some guidance other than the rhetoric and limbo I was given at that age, but I haven’t known how to even begin. Too much information before they are ready for it could be just as damaging as too little. Thankfully, I am also realizing from the text that I have already started my children on a solid path through my introducing them to nature and showing them the value of being observant in life and a good steward at home, school, and in the world. I am looking forward to learning much more about my sexual and parental potentials as I continue to read this wonderful book of knowledge.

Amara Says

Thank you for sharing this Dancing Yogi. I cannot tell you how many people – from all different cultures- I have met who have had little or no real sexual guidance or education from anyone.As I mention in this book, the harm caused by perpetuating negative attitudes about sex is immeasurable for when we do not have something instilled at the core of our being that says that sex is healthy, natural and good, it weakens the joy in every connection we make. When we have to hide our pleasure, when we feel guilty for the natural joy that creation has given us it paves the way for confusion in our adult relationships. Why in the world would we want to pass on this legacy? I commend you for your simple wisdom and for trying to introduce the world of sex to your children by having them look into the natural world around them. I am happy that my book inspired you to do something you probably already knew. I loved writing the chapter on An Initiation into the World of Sexuality. In many ways, it’s just plain common sense, yet because so many of us never had a good introduction to our sexuality, we get confused. We want to give our children the best we can, but we don’t always know how. As I say in many different ways in my book, the best thing we can do for our children is to get clear ourselves, heal the wounds we can, and then honestly answer the questions they ask.

I am thrilled by the responses from so many parents who are showing my book to young teens. They appreciate having some real guidance, and a starting place to talk about sex. A lot of people ask me ‘when should I show my children?’ I always say, ‘when they are interested, when they ask.’

I still see so many fine people that are hindered and held back from love and intimacy because of sexual things that happened to them when they were young. It takes a tremendous effort to overcome the wounds that happen because of ignorance, and again I commend you for taking steps to put the misinformation behind you. Many of us may wish we had these teachings way earlier, but I know it’s time now to begin a life of more care and sensitivity for your self, Mother Life, and others.

Thank you for sharing.
In beauty,
Amara

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Feature Article: Let Men Adore You

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What would happen if you let the men in your life utterly adore you? Can you imagine having men eager to provide whatever they can, able to take you into realms of pleasure you have may never known? Can you picture men who are turned on by finding ways to delight your body, mind and soul?

In my experience, when given the chance, these are precisely the things that men are absolutely dying to do for us.

But why do men seldom succeed? Why do they frequently fall short,
leaving things unsaid and undone? And why do they so often seem clueless, asking us what we want?

In my experience, it’s a matter of inspiring men rather than asking for or demanding the things we want. Yes, we can ask, and sometimes even demand that they step up. But what works best is to let our selves be surprised by what they do.

How often (I’m speaking now to women) have you asked a man to do something only to be frustrated that he didn’t listen, or he forgot, or even did the very thing you asked him not to do?

This is the first task: let a man be inspired by your openness.
It’s no secret men love to feel free, and that they often bristle at being told what to do – especially by a woman. So pay attention to how you ask for what you want. Is there a hidden agenda? Are you too attached to the way you expect things to be done?

The way to inspire his best to come pouring out is to relax into your beauty. I’m not referring only to putting on nice clothes or working out (although this may certainly inspire him too), I also mean to guard your speech, your eyes and your heart.

Try to say beautiful things about yourself and others. Notice beautiful things. Focus on creating beauty around you until there are surges of beauty that show up wherever you go.

One of the most important secrets to letting a man adore you is to cultivate the feeling that”I deserve pleasure. And I am worth it”.
For a man cannot cherish you unless you first begin, little by little, to love your self more.

What makes you shine most brightly- this is what men find irresistible-
is a kind of selfless shine. If you express selfishness, jealousy, greed or ignorance, this is precisely what will appear in the men around you.

A selfless shine is a luster that emanates from a woman who is plump with joy; it comes from a woman whose spirit generates happiness, trust and hope. She has a kind of erotic intelligence that supports his dreams and so she does not need to ‘get’ men to do anything…

When a woman nourishes her self, life and others this way she will be surrounded and supported by men who do the same. It’s a profound
pleasure to inspire men’s greatness by being someone worthy to protect, provide and create for.

In beauty
Quehestemehah (You dance in my heart)

(c) Amara Charles 2013
Keeps the Fire

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It’s Here! The Art of Erotic Intelligence Program

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a new world of possibility, created by the combined vision of Amara Charles and Steven Barnes                                          

e·rot·ic  /iˈrätik/ adjective


in·tel·li·gence  \in-ˈte-ləә-jəәn(t)s\noun

Erotic Intelligence is about becoming sensitively attuned to the constant fluctuations life presents and then using this awareness to properly discern what to do.

–Imagine living a life where everything you do leads to your dreams…and the fulfillment of those dreams increases your overall pleasure, joy, and erotic adventure.

–Imagine living in a world where every erotic awareness increases your energy and aliveness, enabling your creativity, health, fitness, and success!

In 1928, Napoleon Hill’s classic THINK AND GROW RICH revealed that the most successful men and women had highly charged erotic natures.  And that through the process he called “Sex Transmutation” actually used this energy to drive their creativity and worldly accomplishment.

But using sexual energy to drive accomplishments is not the whole story, for the real challenge is to channel your erotic energy with wisdom so you can fully enjoy the whole journey toward success.

Now, for the first time, the two worlds of worldly success and erotic delight have joined together to create a unique blueprint. More …

Sexy Challenge Interview with Dr. Janelle and Alex

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We did a tease interview for Sexy Challenges. A great connection! We’ll do video in August- but for now – check out the fine and sexy things Janelle and Alex are up to. Have a listen – they’re fun!sexy challenges

Amara & Shyena Teach White Massage on VH1 for Jaiya’s Show

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Amara Charles and Shyena Venice on VH1

We were invited by Jaiya to teach her partner the White Tigress Magssage on VH1.

It was an amazing experience and Jaiya was awesome. She had a crew of about 20 people affiliated with VH1 filming her for the show: I’m Married to a Sexologist.

We were invited (as a birthday present for Jaiya) to teach her partner Ian how to give Jaiya a sensuous White Tigress Massage. The White Tigress Massage is for increasing sexual potency, sexual restoration and sexual intensity.

Amara teaches Ian to Give a White Tigress massage on VH1

Amara teaches Ian to Give a White Tigress massage on VH1

Watch the VH1 clip here

http://www.vh1.com/video/misc/902010/ian-gives-jaiya-a-white-tigress-massage.jhtml#id=1706070

An Uncanny Eye For Eros

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Listening to Mihaly Csikszentmihaly say ‘ecstasy‘ derives from a Greek word meaning to ‘stand to the side of something’ I had to pause his Ted talk, lean back with a tingle and say, Brilliant.

 

It’s quite an elegant way of describing what happens in the creative flow when your identity disappears, your body dissolves and what seems to be ‘You’ floats by, suspended in the sensation that something else is moving you.


 

I’d like to hop on this train to propose the same is true of erotic flow states. When we are tuned in, turned on and flooded with a heightened sexual sensations, we can be replenished by states where our pleasure is not only the result of our erotic flow, pleasure becomes the fuel, the promise and the gift.

 

 

I’m sure you’ve been here before; in the stream state of awareness where you More …

Feature Article: Sexy Success

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What makes for stellar success is a personal thing, but my recent visit with Jaiya, a successful sex educator, shows how doing what we like in bed may be just what we need to succeed. While being filmed for her VH1 special on somatic (hands on) sexology, we got a private peek into how she delights in using her sexiness for success, and her success to stay sexy – and why we shouldn’t settle for subpar in either.

Busting Myth #1: You have to Sell Out to Succeed

Have you ever noticed how things speed up when you’re feeling successful? You seem to do much more in less time, you have to say ‘no’ to things you could once say ‘yes’ to, and you don’t have as much time to hang out. To others it may seem as if you’ve sold out. The speed of things focuses your mission, challenges you to be excellent and makes you select where you place every precious ounce of attention (and where not to.) If you relax inside, you can handle the ‘swish’.  It’s exhilarating. The faster things happen, the more of a magnet you become for more connections. Now, take this same principle, and apply it to your private erotic life. Riding the sublime comes down to: just doing it creates the desire and energy for more.

Busting Myth #2: It’s Who You Know

It’s not who you know, it’s what you do with who you know. Success is contagious, as the happier and more generous you are, the more fun you are to be with and thus the more opportunities land in your lap. Since success tends to make you feel wanted, you become someone people want to be near. That is, if you are actually enjoying your self inside the buzz. Now take this into your personal erotic life. When you are generous, even inside the whirlwind of busyness, taking each conversation to heart, appreciating anyone near you, you are multipling pleasure. This is the alluring energy behind success, and it works in bed too. If you’re tense while doing the never-ending stream of whatever you’re doing, or you are not content with what (or who) is sitting next to you, success will always be just out of reach. It’s not only who can help you succeed, it’s who’s around to share it with.

Busting Myth #3  It Takes Money to Make Money

This myth is about the idea that you have to have money to make it, or erotically, you have to have a partner to have sex. While it’s true, sex is always better with a warm body, the trick to both money and sex, is having some. In Jennifer Goldberg’s article, Why you Need Good Sex, she says,Seeking out—and having— good sex is a self-perpetuating cycle. The neurotransmitter dopamine—which “focuses your attention on something you really want to go after,” (explains Dr. Pfaus)1—gives us the confidence to approach mates we think will provide the most pleasure, while good sex releases opioids, which further stoke the fire.’

Busting Myth # 4  Pain = Gain

The myth that successful people are too driven by ambition to enjoy anything (and there are plenty of examples) comes from the idea that it takes self – sacrifice and suffering to end suffering. But pain loops may not only deplete your reserve of dopamine, if you don’t have it right along the way, it wont will be much fun when you ‘get there’. Another option is to operate on a pleasure loop for success. It’s not a selfish grasp for pleasure, or a perpetual craving for what’s missing, it’s a loop where you derive pleasure by giving something of value to others while having a blast along the way too. It’s the tease of anticipation, savoring every nibble and squeeze while feeling delight in another’s joy that’s the stuff of success. When it starts happening in the boardroom as smoothly as it does in the bedroom, as I experienced being with Jaiya, you know you’re onto something good.

What’s success? Feeling grateful for being alive is success; the rest is relative.

In beauty, © Amara Charles

Quehestemehah ‘You dance in my heart’

Amara Charles’ Best – Selling Book ‘The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka’ featuring the Sexual Anatomy Types as Seen on VH1 is available on www.amaracharles.com or Amazon.com