Inspired by a remarkable letter written from a son to his father after attending a Quodoushka Sexuality Workshop. He attended by himself (with the blessing of his wife, who also attended a Q).
By Amara Charles
Lets say a father makes his son suffer. But the father doesn’t know he’s causing his son to suffer. He does not see how, nor understand why his son is suffering. So the father carries on doing the best he can.
The reality is that the father copes with his pain, but he has not looked into its root causes. He deals with his pain the way he learned to from his dad, and he passes the ball on to his son who then passes it onto his wife and family. Perhaps from a young age the grandfather mistreated the father. Even though the son wants things to change, the habits are deep.
Until somebody gets the game for what it is, the only thing that gets passed (usually veiled in numbness or angry outbursts) is resentment, And thus, the wheel of suffering spins from generation to generation.
Whenever you recognize that the root cause of suffering is always some form of withholding love, you pick up a light arrow of awareness. This moment of awareness, this pause of habit is priceless; it stops the cycle of suffering.
It’s quite liberating to realize, whoa, this is not ‘me’. I’ve just been acting the way I was taught, behaving the way I grew up. The instant you realize this, you sort of catch the habit by the tail. Then there is a gap, a pause, a chance to do something, anything different. What I enjoy about Taj’s letter is the way he seeks to untangle the original kink, and the way he knows the stuff with his Dad is somehow the key to liberating more passion and love with his wife.
So instead of creating a kinked loop of dark resentment covered in bland indifference, a new trajectory of compassion has begun. This is the key to liberating sexual, intimate love and compassion.
Using our defensive childhood coping strategies of withholding love never works. Withholding love only breeds the resentment that perpetuates suffering.
However, I do respect the tenacity of those early twisted- love -patterns we take from and pass on to our loved ones and I know they need constant attention. The glimpses of awareness we gain can be fragile and fleeting.
I especially know how those love kinks may return when we go home to visit families…
So to comb through the tangles and return to the natural flow of love, do this healing practice from Thich Nhat Hanh:
Breathing in, I see myself as a five-year-old child.
Breathing out, I smile to the five-year-old child still alive and present in me.
Breathing in, I see the five-year-old child in me as being fragile, vulnerable, wounded.
Breathing out, I embrace the five-year-old child in me with all my understanding and love.
May the generosity of your spirit lead you to break the chains of the past and may you have the energy to walk boldly on a path with heart.
In Beauty, Amara Charles
Next Quodoushka 1 workshop in January 30-Feb 2 2014. Phoenix
Amara Charles is the Author of Best Selling book.
I just finished a four-day, second-level, sacred
sexuality workshop called Quodoushka. While the first one
focuses on the self, this one focuses on relationship.
There are a lot of teachings
and exercises, some are talk-oriented, most are hands-on.
Agreements and boundaries are an important part of the
experience. I had a truly amazing time: the people in this
group were bright souls, with really good energy; I had
really good energetic exchanges and connections.
I got a lot of really
positive feedback about my presence, that I had a strong
impact on the group, that I “healed hearts, even
without directly interacting,” and that I helped some
folks work through some tough things. I in turn experienced
healing and a lot of clearing of old energy that no longer
served me. I felt much cleaner and brighter
Returning home, I noticed I
was very tender upon seeing Susan and Rumi. I felt bursting
with feeling, without ever being able to name any particular
emotion. I just felt feelings, and it left me weepy at
And then I felt the old
patterns creeping in. It didn’t take long—only a few
hours—before I was shutting down in the same ways as
before. Now, I had been thinking it was because Susan has a
strong masculine side that puts her in competition with me,
and that causes friction. And I had been thinking I was
going to need to be more masculine, to provide the safety of
a “masculine container,” so that she could
“let go” into her femininity. While that may be
true, I think the there’s more to it.
Later that night we were
feeling a little shut down. Lying in bed it was the same old
energy: flat. I was thinking “we should have sex,”
but her energy did not tell me she was open. Then, she said
“I think we should have sex.” Ha! Well….
The interaction was slow and
deliberate. I was really open, energetically, and could
sense a lot more than I ever could before. I noticed that
her heart chakra felt exquisite, just sweet and wonderful.
That surprised me, based on how I had been feeling with her.
Then I got to her third eye.
I was immediately and
strongly repulsed. It was shocking how More …
From a recent Q Graduate: Grace Purusha, Maui Life Coach
I have been deeply touched and affected by my recent experience at Quodoshka. I had attended the Q 30 years ago. At that time it was the most expansive training I could have imagined. And yet, at this time in my maturity, I feel the messages of this path were even more richly applicable.
The expertise of Amara, and her extraordinary ability to communicate and articulate the teachings of the medicine wheel, and the myriad ways it shows up in our relating and sexuality, were exquisite and inspiring. There was never a dull moment. I’m an educator myself, and recognize a master when I hear one. It went far beyond information, as she held space and offered guidance to every kind of report, remark, and feedback that arose in this highly charged, open for expansion arena. Amara is highly intelligent, sensitive, done her own work, and sprinkles in her superb sense of humor whenever possible. And she’s adorable too.
Equally valuable to the training
Next Quodoushka Sex and Intimacy Workshop for Singles and Couples:
Phoenix January 30-February 2
Facilitators: Amara Charles, Mukee Okan and John Kent More …
Quodoushka January Phoenix
*posted with permission, of course
Dear Amara, Mukee, John and Emily,
We are back in the (very) frigid Northland again. It’s 18 degrees F right now and is predicted to be in the below zero range over the weekend.
But we are warm within. We have taken your hot juiciness with us.
You are all so very talented! You are all funny. You are all sexy. You are all brilliant.
Hot, hot, hot and so very kind and wise – Each of you.
Amara – whose perfect understanding of group dynamics and perfectly paced delivery never failed –even when coughing. Your complete acceptance of the Sexual Being before you was a Welcome Home to everyone in the room. Mukee your lusty, sexy humor and goodwill to all and your fabulous freedom and body language took the material home. John (“Ryan Seacrest”) with your brilliant speaking style and connected embodiment of the material (can’t ever stop thinking about that Forest Fire Orgasm demo!) you taught us a depth of knowing that will stay with us for years. Can’t believe you aren’t a veteran of the course! And lovely, dear, Super-Hot Emily who made us all feel OK about being sexy
because you were always the sexiest. We will remember you moving with pure pleasure on the floor, (trying to) grab John’s leg, and of course your fantastically sexy outfits. What a great role model for all of us.
Somehow, you wonderful, sexy people managed to transform us. You carried us from our tight, frightened inner space to expansive places of fluidity, self-acceptance and grace. Thank you!
Thank you for moving us.
When we arrived in Phoenix More …
Subject: Re: just started reading your Quodoushka book
On Jan 9, 2013, at 10:07 PM, Jim Slavsky wrote:
I just started the read, and I am already thankful. I too was pretty much left in limbo regarding sexual relations when I was growing up. I got the Catholic doctrine on the matter: don’t do it…you’ll get someone pregnant…it’s a sin to even think about it…oh, and it is also a sin to explore your own body through masturbation. No one was there to guide me through the emotional or physical reactions as I experimented on my own and occasionally with a partner. Emotional and physical sexual development for me was done in the dark with the twisted notion that your sex partner had to be someone you intended to marry. Some sort of mentoring process would have been very beneficial. Actually, I am sure it would still be beneficial since I feel as though I have just barely scratched the surface of my sexual potential. I guess that is why I searched and found Quodoushka.
The first chapter of your book also made me keenly aware of the source of the feelings I have started having of being an insufficient parent for my young teenage children. I would really like to give my kids some guidance other than the rhetoric and limbo I was given at that age, but I haven’t known how to even begin. At the same time I am also realizing from your text that I have already started my children on a solid path through my introducing them to nature and showing them the value of being observant and a good steward.
I am looking forward to learning much more about my sexual and parental potentials.
Thank you very much for sharing this with me.
What you say is so touching, and well written and I think a lot of people would relate to what you are saying.
I meet so may people who like you who not only survive a poor introduction to their sexuality,
they manage to do much better with their own children.
Bravo on you! Our children need parents who accept their sexuality as natural and good. It all begins with us.
Symposium Schedule:NZ SymposiumSchedule
Symposium Schedule:NZ SymposiumSchedule
TOUCH FOR TWO April 2nd New Zealand
One of the Keynote Speakers Amara Charles (USA) will also be leading a “Touch for Two” Evening at “The Temple” 15 Landscape Road, Mount Eden on April 2nd, 7-10pm. Cost is $50/$40 concession, and her latest book “Sexual Practices of Quodoshka” will be on sale.
Traveling in New Zealand and Australia
to Discover, What Kind of Lover Arte You?:
Quodoushka Australia 2012
Yes! We did it! Our Worldwide request to buy on Amazon Worked! Thank you everyone who bought a copy, bought tons of copies on Amazon, and gifts for friends. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You! From now on, we can say that ‘The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka’ is a Best Seller!. Woo Hoo!
We are #1 Best Selling on Amazon in Shamanism! More …