Is wearing a mask really necessary to attract a lover? Can’t we ‘just be our selves?’
A friend recently said, ‘We’ve got to be real and drop the masks if you really want to find a lover.’
Yes, some masks hide the truth. Thieves and liars wear masks to cover their real identities. But some masks actually bring out the truth we can’t quite get to.
I’ve seen it for twenty-five years – and anyone who’s been to Quodoushka knows what I’m talking about – something magical happens when the mask goes on in a certain way.
Wearing a mask can give an erotic jolt to our spirit because acting the same way, playing our comfy roles gets dull, even if we like those roles. We all yearn for the chance to wear masks, act differently and be someone else. Can you remember the thrill of dressing up as a super hero when you were young? When we play in masks, we feel invincible. It’s immensely seductive.
So while it’s true that ultimately, reality is far more attractive than anything we make up; most of the time, what we think is ‘natural’ is not natural at all; it’s just an excuse to be lazy. If you wear a mask in a certain way, it propels you to express the parts of your self that are dying to play.
We usually hide the soft underbelly, vulnerable part of ourselves; the part that needs. And we like to conceal that dark velvet wide-open mask that gets turned on by letting it all loose. But this yearning, and the peeling away, revealing only a peek is the very part of us that’s most seductive and seductable.
Of course it’s scary, but this is why we feel so free and good when it does come out in a good way.
What if we give someone a peek under our mask that admits ‘yes, I’m hesitant, but I need to be touched so much.” Or what if we wear a mask that gives a hint; ‘underneath it all, I’m really a bit kinky, and maybe even downright wild if you make it safe enough to for me let go.’
Wearing a mask in a certain way lets you practice being unpredictable. You get to intentionally shake things up yourself instead of having life shake them up for you.
It’s a paradox; wearing a mask, stretching into something we are not can give us a glimpse of our Natural Self. Plus, being seductive is all about daring to bring something unknown to the table. One time I joined a gay pride march dressed like a man. At the time, these we’re all ‘closed symbols’ for me; meaning I was against marches of any kind, I disliked gay parades and I had never appeared in public dressed as a man.
What happened floored me. Curiously, not only was I aroused the whole time, it completely changed my relationship with my father. In the midst this parade, as I am doing my best to strut like a guy, I began to feel the overwhelming presence of my father. Up to that point I’d been playing the ‘daddy was never around for me’ card. Pretending to be a guy, I was suddenly flooded by memories of swimming with Dad, sliding off his Coppertoned back, laughing and playing in the pool together.
Now, here’s this ‘certain way’ of wearing a mask I am talking about. Instead of masking your real identity, seek to discover something you do not know. This way, some part of you that’s been hiding under a rock gets permission to peek out from behind the mask. It’s all about your Intent.
Whenever I wear a mask, I wear the No Big Deal Mask underneath everything I am doing.
It takes practice to mindfully wear the No Big Deal Mask. The practice includes having an easy-going attitude; it’s no big deal to wear a mask, no big deal about your actions and no big deal about the result. The joyful wearing of the No Big Deal Mask is rooted in having no expectations, no attachments and no hope of a certain outcome. (you’re not trying to produce a reaction or get something). Wearing the No Big Deal Mask causes a joyful, playful and natural enthusiasm to emerge. These are some of the keys to being naturally seductive.
Please remember; having fun only happens when you create a friendly, safe place to grow and explore. Note: If you wear the friendly mask often, it becomes part of your skin.
In Beauty, (c) Amara Charles
How do you feel about wearing masks? What happens when you wear masks? Are they scary or seductive? Do they work? How do you know when to take them off?
p.s. Coming Soon: my New Rules on how to create safe and joyful Sexual Agreements. And my next article: Part Two: Taking off The Mask
‘Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.’ - J. Baldwin
Note To Folks who were coming to the workshop in January:
I had to cancel the I.D.E.A. workshop with Steven Barnes. I called Steve two days before the workshop, and he said ‘what’s the matter? I can hear it in your voice.’
‘My grandma is dying. ‘
Steve immediately said cancel the workshop. At first I thought ‘I can’t let all those people down’, but then I knew Steve was absolutely right. I had such a tender and sweet time with my family. So I am dedicating this newsletter to my Grandma Sally, who when I asked her what she thought about sex (at 93) said, ‘Don’t miss it’ And to my sister Dana Charles, who is really the pillar of love and care for my family. And Thank You Steve, for saying the truth. It’s why I love you.
Our 1 Day I.D.E.A premier pilot Erotic Intelligence workshop about increasing our erotic flow, has been moved to Saturday March 8th. In Phoenix. AND the Tantra Meet Up at Center for Divine Awakening is now on Friday March 7th. Thanks everyone for your understanding, love and prayers. It has really touched me deeply.