Is it DOMA or ROMA? Instead of Defending Marriage, here’s our version: a Recreation of Marriage Act.
With bells of the temples still ringing in my bones, and various cultural oddities from China and Nepal swimming through my mind, I came back to the US to hear the president announce his full support for gay marriage. Then I facilitated an unusual nuptial, a kind of alternative ‘wedding,’ which, when I told a friend he said, “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”
Let me explain. I was asked by a couple to help create a special ceremony that was both erotically intriguing in a private way, and that also had many of the traditional trimmings of wedlock (without the lock.) They wished to declare their intention to be together for the rest of their lives, have a reception, great food and a band. But that’s about as much a resemblance to a typical marriage as there was, for there were no rings, no bridesmaids, no priest, and curiously, no vows.
We never did come to a final say on what to actually call it. And this couple mused at length with what to put on the invitations, especially for family and their more conservative friends flying in from around the world.
For help, I decided to give Wiki a click to check the official definition of marriage.
“A wedding is the ceremony in which two people are united in marriage or a similar institution. Wedding traditions and customs vary greatly between cultures, ethnic groups, religions, countries, and social classes. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of wedding vows by the couple, presentation of a gift (offering, ring(s), symbolic item, flowers, money), and a public proclamation of marriage by an authority figure or leader. Special wedding garments are often worn, and the ceremony is sometimes followed by a wedding reception.”
As I said, much of this wouldn’t do, and yet, the question was;
How could we make this ceremony express a different, yet equally profound commitment of love?
Clearly, this was to be out-of-the-box. Even construing a self-styled custom vow, like one’s I’ve heard in many alternative weddings did not begin to cover what they had in mind. Instead, these two (who had each been previously married with children) wished to custom design the ceremony so that it mirrored both the open and committed nature of their relationship.
We thus created a dual ceremony, one day for close friends to share the nuances of their intentions, and the next day for family and friends to bear witness and celebrate. With the circle of intimate friends, they shared stories of how they met online as well as sexy tales of their lovely courtship.
Then there was a stunning monologue of seduction played by an actor styled on Johnny Depp in Don Juan Demarco, a slinky Tigress fan dance to get everybody juicy, followed by inspirations on the art of love. On the more serious side, I presented a teaching on what it takes to keep an evolutionary relationship (such as theirs) secure, compelling and most importantly, wonderfully erotic.
For the Her
Her girlfriends prepared the nuptial boudoir with veils and other exotic things. They also had a private bath ceremony to bathe the bride, and offered blessings to invoke her beauty.
As for the men, I’m sworn to secrecy. (They too had their way of giving special love tips to the groom.) Suffice it to say, this couple not only invited their intimate circle to consecrate their relationship, they wanted their friends to be totally inspired to try this at home. Were the smiles on everyone’s faces coming back the next day a mere coincidence? I think not.
With this wind in our sails, the next day was a breeze, as the larger gathering for family and friends was funny and warm, the way a wedding should be. Some were touched by the honest proclamations of their conscious sexual agreements; others raised an eyebrow or two.
For this couple, their wedding was about rejoicing in the freedom to love and cherish deeply for as long as they each choose to do so. Perhaps there is a way to live happily ever after all.
In beauty, Amara
How would you make a sexy wedding with Conscious Sexual Agreements?
You can learn more about sustaining the passion of intimate unions in my Best-Selling books The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka and Sexual Agreements.
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