Give her Pleasure Every Time

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‘How can I become a better lover?‘ I’ve been asked this more than a few times by men: “Should I go faster, slower, deeper, longer? Can you suggest a book?”

Sometimes I think people will soon have GPS Sex systems in their bedrooms. With a voice saying, “okay a little to the right, a little deeper, now ease up, easy does it… You’re almost there…” Sounds like a great App, but really, do you want such advice? Perhaps you’d rather learn how to use your instincts to dip deeply into the Mysterious Female and to take your time savoring her beauty.

When there is disappointment in sex, most of the time it’s not your technique that’s off, it’s really your mind that is off and running someplace else. To satisfy a woman you need to pay close attention to her signals, stay flexible and listen.

If the women you are with loses interest in sex, it means your attention has wandered. Your distractions are the biggest turn off of all, because more than anything, a woman wants to feel that she attracts you. If everything and anything pulls your attention away, it means you are really not that interested in her.

The First Sip: Women Love This
Be like a wine connoisseur, savoring the fragrance, texture and temperature of your lover. If you go into the wine shop with a sense of wonder in all those juicy bottles, and you have the patience to do a lot of tasting, you’ll start to notice amazing differences. In the beginning, all the bottles look opaque and similar. It’s only when you start to hear enchanting stories of the grapes, seasons and winemakers that the wines begin to carry a mystique that releases the nuances of their flavor.

It takes time to become a connoisseur. You have to notice the color, the residue left from the wine on the glass, the after taste, and most of all the kind of company you enjoy while drinking it. Once you begin to develop a refined palate, the wine tastes better and the whole experience of sharing it becomes sublime. It’s the same thing with a lover. Have you ever savored the flavor of the first drip of arousal while letting a wisp of her fresh perfume rest on your lips?

With no goal, outcome or expectation in mind, with only delight and discovery to guide you, love and sex remains an elegant exploration. Some times will be sweet, familiar and warm, others spicy and wild. When you are seeing, listening and noticing everything happening, love is relentless, no matter how it appears.

A Little Sex Game
You know those cards you can have in a bowl on a coffee table that have a word or a saying on them? (any cards, or even handwritten words on a piece of paper will do.) I had my lover pick one and then we used the words to take on roles in our sex play. He picked “Obedience” (lucky me!!!!) and I picked “Birth” (No, I was not about to have a baby!- I decided it meant doing something we had never done before.) I put a silk scarf over his eyes and then told him to delicately ravish me in certain places. I had him start and stop whenever I wanted. Oh, he was so obedient..

It’s not that the game was particularly new, it was awesome for both of us because nothing was planned. To the man who recently asked me if he should be faster, slower or deeper with his woman, this is what I want to say to him and all the other men out there who sincerely want to become better lovers. Personally, I love a man who is selflessly turned on by giving pleasure. What you actually do as a lover may be a bit clumsy, but if you do it with persistent kindness you can soften any woman into expressing what she really wants and likes. If you want instant gratification that’s as fast as a Mac then you’ll miss the most beautiful, and the most obvious thing: everything constantly changes. Especially what’s pleasurable from one moment to the next.

What To Think About

“What would my lover really love most right now?”
What a beautiful question to have in mind.

Consider this: Possibly, the only reason sex has any benefit to our health is that for a single instant there is no thought. No plan. No Voice. Peace. Tranquility. Nothing.

Ah, the beauty.

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